since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
