She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
