note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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