WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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