he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize