last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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