Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
