Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
