Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
