I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
