you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
