Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize