when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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