My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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