How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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