My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
