we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
