Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize