the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
