ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize