what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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