Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
