Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
