its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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