I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
