They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
