The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
