i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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