She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize