I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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