Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
