I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize