i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize