hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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