Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
