as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
