vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
