i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also, beer. Big fan.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
