How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But theres a keg here and me gusta
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
