Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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