he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
