My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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