just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
