I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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