She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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