My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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