very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
