Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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