I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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