look no pants
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize