Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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