A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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