Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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