I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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