shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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