Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
