@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
