I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
