Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
