I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
